What I had remembered most was that, near the end of my practice of meditation, I had read something about a form of walking meditation. I think what I do is the opposite of that now.
I’ve been listening for more than I’ve been listening to lately. In most of my life so far, these groups are greatly overlapped, so these times are easily passed. I try listen for a voice and it starts to speak. I listen to a beat and I can make my own music.
Now, I’m getting a long silence. There are noises that drop into the background, quickly uncomprehended and then quickly forgotten, but mostly, there’s silence.
I’ve been listening for answers and missing the music I pass. I’ve heard the clean noise and left it unlistened to.
I’ve been overly anxious about many things for about a week. My life has growing concerns. This morning my walk was nearly ruined by heavily-rutted thinking about things about which I could do nothing.
Once I saw the tweezers, all the problems seemed like slivers. Of concern, but so small and barely dangerous and, most of all, better dealt with by finer thinking.
When I was studying quantum physics, I remember hearing that there was a way of seeing the world as a web of incommensurable wavelengths and that all material is composed of the unique co-incidences of these wavelength. Each thing was composed of infinite waves coming together once in one place.
I can’t recall any reason to believe that this was true, or a particularly useful model for the problems at hand (as well as I could understand them). What I remember most was just imagining that it was true and meaningful. It’s still useful for that purpose.
So many otherwise unrelated things influence each little thing in life. Each incident is confluence. To act with intent is to understand that these strands of influence can’t be unraveled or even traced. To appreciate beauty is to embrace this shortcoming.